Monday, March 8, 2010

Bob Chronicles - Fifth in a Series

Well, today is the day! Bob is having a Colonoscopy this morning and took great care to document his prep day yesterday! If you have ever wondered what all the fuss is about or why people aren't excited about the prospect of getting a colonoscopy, then read on. Bob has lots of great wisdom to share on the subject and I think it is totally worth sharing! So, without further ado.....Here's Bob!

A little back ground first. My mother died of colon cancer at the age of 57 which of course means I have a good chance of getting this same disease. Since this is one of those cancers that can be cured if you catch it early enough, I elected to have a colon screening exam every 4 years. I started this regime at the age of 50, which my family doctor highly recommended. This means I have had several of these test in the past 16 years. With one exception, polyps were found and removed in each screening. Fortunately, it is not painful at all and removing the small polyps probably headed off a bout of cancer. With all this said, I am about to undergo the worst part of the screening process and that is the cleansing of the colon the day before the actual test.

Basically in an abbreviated form the cleansing means you eat NOTHING solid the entire day before testing. You can only have coffee, 7 Up and water to drink, bouillon, Jell-O (green or yellow only) and Popsicle's (yellow only) to eat. Not much you say...that's correct. Now that doesn't bother those that eat like a pigeon but for those of us who eat like a Lumberjack it is HARD. So I have elected to keep a diary of today's events for those who have wondered about the cleansing process and a reminder to those who have done this before. Here goes nothing:

1. I woke at 7 and had about 6 cups of coffee which really was great. My back was hurting so I took 2 Tylenol. I hope like heck it isn't hurting as bad tomorrow morning since you can not drink or eat anything after midnight tonight.

2. I read the morning paper thoroughly just to kill some time.

3. At 9 I jumped on the treadmill and walked for an hour, again just to kill some time.

4. Around 11 I got out the instructions on how to mix up the concoction you have to drink that starts the bowel cleansing. You mix it early so you can get it chilled before you start drinking it at 5:30. It amounts to 2 liters of liquid that goes straight to the intestines.

5. After putting my mixture in the fridge I messed around in the garage for awhile then gathered the recyclable and set them out on the curb.

6. It's now 12:45 and time for lunch. I think I'll have a delicious bowl of chicken broth. It couldn't be more salty. It taste like chicken flavored salt water. UGH! I guess if you could add some noodles or chicken it would be more tasteful. For dessert how about some yummy green jell-o. You call this bulk...it actually melts in your mouth before it goes down to your stomach. Lunch is now officially over....GOOD.

7. Time to do some chores to pass the time away. Before I do that I think I will go pay a visit to Ms Elaine and Ray my neighbors who live across the street. Well I had a nice visit and it is now about 2. Lets get to some chores

8. Yesterday I put up a new bathroom door which needed painted. That's what I'm fixing to do now. After dragging the paint out and finding a good paint brush I begin painting. I'm using some really good paint that Melissa recommended since it only requires one coat. Well I have finished painting and the awful clean up. I love painting but hate all the clean up of brushes, pans, sticks and etc. It is now 3:45 and an hour and 45 minutes until I start drinking the concoction. That's when the fun begins.

9. I just now looked at my procedures again and it says to start drinking at 5 instead of 5:30. It is now T-5 minutes

10. It's 5 and here we go....wish me luck.

11. Here's what I am doing. Drinking 8 oz of the concoction every 15 minutes for one hour. Then drinking 16 oz of water in the next hour. Then starting over again with the 8oz concoction every 15 minutes for an hour and so on it goes. I have just completed an hour of drinking and haven't gone yet.....what's up with this stuff.

12. As soon as I ended the last sentence an air bubble (cramp) came up in my stomach. I ran full throttle to the bathroom and barely made it. Wow! seemed like the whole bottom fell out. Came out like a super soaker water gun. Talk about cutting the jets lose.

13. It is now 9:10 in the evening and I believe things have settled down a bit. That's 4 hours of drinking and moving. I feel a little weak as there is nothing inside me to hold the outside from caving in. Honestly it wasn't too bad if you don't mind going to the bathroom no less that 20 times in just a few hours. I'm not about to go into anymore detail as you might be eating as your reading this. Just let it be said it's not a pretty sight.

14. Just think, you go through a whole day of starving and cleansing just to have an 8 foot tube run up your butt in the morning. The whole procedure takes about 15 minutes and you then go home.

Time to take a good hot shower and go to bed. Night all.

Thanks Dad for the detailed run down of your Prep Day! Can't wait to hear how well it goes today!

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