Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Bob Chronicles - Tenth in a Series

It's time for an installment of Bob Chronicles. It has been a while.

You remember Bob. My Dad.

Funny stuff happens to Bob.

If you are new around here or just want to take a little refresher course on some of Bob's previously documented antics you can click on the links below.

Bob Chronicles - The First in a Series: Photo Processing at Walmart
Bob Chronicles - Second in a Series: Driving with Thumbs
Bob Chronicles - Third in a Series: Installing a Light Fixture
Bob Chronicles - Fourth in a Series: Sleep Apnea
Bob Chronicles - Fifth in a Series: The Colonoscopy
Bob Chronicles - Sixth in a Series: Lawnmower Maintenance
Bob Chronicles - Seventh in a Series: Burger King Bathroom
Bob Chronicles - Eighth in a Series: Ingrown Toenail
Bob Chronicles - Ninth in a Series: Diet Tips

This particular story will be called "Building Muscle" and it is legendary in our family.

It starts off with Bob reading up a little on health and fitness and decides that because of his age he probably needs to lift some weights. He asks for and receives a really nice set of hand weights for his birthday. It is the typical three tiered little triangle stand with three sets of weights - a 1 pound set, 3 pound set and 5 pound set.

We give the gift with the warning that he should start out slow. Don't go straight to the 5 pounders.

So, Bob starts immediately. Like the candles were still smoking on his birthday cake when he starts showing us his fine physic and the complete ease with which he can curl those 1 pound weights. It doesn't feel that hard at all. In fact, it barely feels like he is lifting anything. He does 100 reps. No problem.

Later that afternoon, when everyone has gone home. He does another 100. That night, still thinking it was pretty easy. Why not do one more set of 100 before bed. All together he curls that weight about 300 times.

The next morning....he can't move his arms. AT ALL. He is in agony. In fact, he can barely dress himself. Brushing his teeth is almost comical as he uses one arm to help prop the other arm up to get his toothbrush up to his mouth. May have been better just to lay the toothbrush on the counter and try to bend over and drag his teeth over it.

He knows he over did it. Figures he will be sore for a day or two.

Three days later, he is still painfully crippled so he goes to the doctor.

He tore his ligaments. In both elbows.

Only Bob.

The doctor puts him on a regiment of steroids to reduce the swelling and help get him back to normal.

Three days later...still in agony and now his stomach is massively destroyed from the steroids. He calls the doctor back.

The doctor says to get his elbows moving he must have the steroids, so he gives him a shot directly in both elbows.

It takes several more days before Bob can use his arms normally.

He never lifted another weight.

It is so similar to the Driving with Thumbs story.

Moderation is not Bob's strong suit.

To wrap it up, I can tell you that the set of weights remained in Bob's house for years. Gathering dust. The grandkids all played with them. Lifting them up real high like they were big time weight lifters when they were two and three years old. I can still hear Bob telling them to be careful. Even though it was only one pound it could really hurt them. He had lived it.

I heard recently that Bob had packed them up and given them to Goodwill or something. If only those weights could talk, they could tell the funny story of the guy who used the heck of them for one day. One stinking day and never picked them up again. I would love to tell you about the time Bob did aerobics with me at the gym. Not sure I could paint the picture with words of him doing a jazz square in a room full of women. Unfortunately, the room was surrounded with mirrors, so even though he was behind me, I could see everytime he went the wrong way, was left when everyone was right, was facing backwards when everyone was forwards. He was having a grand time. I was a teenager. I was mortified.

Good times Dad.

Only now as an adult can I appreciate your efforts. Now I am the gal going the wrong way, left when I am supposed to go right, up when I am supposed to be down. I have you as an example though and just keep smiling and moving.

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