Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Bob Chronicles - Twelfth in a Series

I needed a good laugh today, feeling a little gloomy.  I went back through some of my old emails and ran across this one from Bob that just made me laugh out loud. 

SIDE NOTE:  I actually  had to Google how to spell Twelfth.  It is an ugly word and I hope I never have to spell it again.

Anyway, if you don't know Bob, he is my Dad.  He does enough crazy stuff that he inspired me to create a Bob Chronicles Series on my blog just for him.  I haven't done one in a while.  Bob must be running on all cylinders lately. 

If you need to catch up on any of the previous blogs in this series, click below:

Bob Chronicles - The First in a Series: Photo Processing at Walmart
Bob Chronicles - Second in a Series: Driving with Thumbs
Bob Chronicles - Third in a Series: Installing a Light Fixture
Bob Chronicles - Fourth in a Series: Sleep Apnea
Bob Chronicles - Fifth in a Series: The Colonoscopy
Bob Chronicles - Sixth in a Series: Lawnmower Maintenance
Bob Chronicles - Seventh in a Series: Burger King Bathroom
Bob Chronicles - Eighth in a Series: Ingrown Toenail
Bob Chronicles - Ninth in a Series: Diet Tips
Bob Chronicles - Tenth in a Series: Building Muscles
Bob Chronicles - Eleventh in a Series:  Moccasins

To get you up to speed, this is an actual email that I received from my Dad just prior to him and my mom coming to Texas for a visit.  The subject line of his email said "Request". 

I'm almost embarrassed to ask this favor, but can you ensure you have the following on hand when we arrive:

1. V8 Tomato juice. This helps protect against Prostate cancer.

2. Banana's...not old with spots. The potassium helps prevent cramping and keeps brain cells alive.

3. Mixed nuts.....the good kind with NO peanuts in them. This would be a big treat as I always have to buy the ones with peanuts because of our "Fixed Income" situation.

4. Miller Lite....A case will probably be good for the entire trip depending on how much pain I encounter. Would be nice if several were already cold when we arrive.

 5. Last but not least "Doculax". So we won't have to use coat hangers to club the big ones to death.

If I can think of anything else I will let you know. Thanks in advance for your cooperation and understanding.

This made me laugh so hard.  Then I saw a response to this email that Hubby sent back to Dad. It was even better.

What tha *&^%$@(*& ??

I haven't checked, but I don't think there's a HILTON or RAMADA INN sign in my front yard !! Would you like some travel size shampoo and conditioner in the shower as well?

It's not enough that every time some one comes and visits I have to go in debt to pay for the freaking "Welcoming Baskets" (Good N Plenty, pistachios, etc...).

I was thinking that I was going to start taking some tax deductions and start running this place as a Bed N Breakfast. But after looking at these requests it looks like what I need to start is an old folks home. Should we get some Maalox and Depends as well?

Your Hotel Manager...

P.S. Please don't take our monogrammed towels home with you !!

Bob responded:

I wear a Men's Large in Depends. I appreciate your thoughtfulness in caring for this old couple. You will be rewarded tenfold for all your good deeds.

The travel size shampoo and conditioner is a good idea. Just slip it into our welcoming basket if there is any room left. If not, please get a bigger basket.

See you Tuesday.

That little email exchange just perked me right up!   Hope you find something to laugh about in your day!

Monday, November 28, 2011


Our Thanksgiving Holiday was exceptional as always.  I have lots of pictures to share.  In fact, I have so many that you will probably feel like you were there. Oh wait...most of my readers were there!   For the two or three of you who didn't break bread with us at Thanksgiving, I hope you enjoy a peek into our good times.  You might want to grab a snack, a drink, a little something to keep up your strength to get through this blog. 

We arrived in Bama and were welcomed to "The Bad Farm" with a roaring fire, nice wine and S'MORES!   Chip was a happy camper!

Callie and George have built a beautiful pavilion and they built a terrific fire pit.  The boys were happy to hang out by the fire and toast some marshmallows.

Callie always has a present for the boys and for Chip she had a game of Twister.  Malarie and Megan were game to turn their bodies into pretzels for Chip.

It was awesome....for Chip.  For his cousins....maybe, not so much.

Here you can see that Chip is out and laughing hysterically at Megan's bootie in Harry's face.

There were lots of butts in lots of faces.  Good Clean Family Fun! 

On Thanksgiving morning, Callie and Megan joined Harold and Hubby for the Rocket City Turkey Trot.

It was chilly, but there were lots of healthy folks out there getting their metabolism jumping.

And there were people dressed as good way to start the day.

After the Trot, we headed up to my brother's place in Tennessee for Thanksgiving lunch.  It was the first time that Thanksgiving was held here and it was a perfect location.

Here is my little brother Guke, with his lovely wife, Ms. Tennessee.  She started drinking early.  She's my kind of girl.

My sister, "The Nice One" and her hubby Mario arrived and started whipping up some awesome side dishes!

Mer was up at the break of dawn to get this big old bird in he oven.  It smelled heavenly.

Yes, there will be plenty of leftovers.  This girl right here LOVES some Thanksgiving leftovers.

Siblings, taking the annual "Are y'all eating early?" picture.   The answer....yes.  Yes, we are eating early.


Time to move that big bird to a serving platter so Mer can work her magic with the drippings!

This is a picture of the drippings.  Is that weird?  It shouldn't be, because this right here is the magic ingredient that makes the most outstanding gravy in the history of the world.  Seriously.  It could win contests.  For reals.

Large volumes of gravy = many happy campers. Well except for my boys, who think gravy is the devil.  They hate gravy.  I think they might be Russians.

Now, here is  a classic.  Bob cutting the turkey.  Mouth wide open.  It is like he is putting on mascara or something.  This is serious work.  Professional carvers only.

There were tables all over the place for the 25 or so in attendance.  All adorned with cute bread baskets.

As dishes were pulled from the oven or walked through the front door they were placed on the big dining room table.

Guke was stationed as a guard.

Or more likely he was trying to stake out a good spot at the front of the buffet  line.  The food was outstanding. 

After we all ate our fill it was time to head outdoors to enjoy the fabulous weather on the farm.  It's not really a farm, but it could be. 

Guke put in a fire pit of his own and he was proud of his City Boy old self.   You can tell Hubby and "The Nice One" were fascinated.  Nice.  Rocks in a circle.  Who knew?

Then they spotted me and wanted me to take a picture.

I told them they had to jump!  And they jumped!

NOTE:  Please notice Bob using his camera.  This is his Zoom position.  He uses it frequently.  I have laughed out loud every single time I look at this picture.  It cracks me up!

Now, that is some good jumping!  "The Nice One" is getting some good air. 

Enough with the jumping, let's get on with the festivities.  First up...Touch Football.  

The Whizzers.  Not to be confused with Wizards.  I think it is a country thing.

This team went with the unique name, The Poopers.  We are a super classy bunch.

The coin toss was done with a leaf.  Huh?

It was a high scoring game with lots of awesome plays.

The Queen acting like a hat rack.

After the traditional games, we went for some unique Thanksgiving Olympics games.  Corn killer, anyone?  Oh yes, we had some takers. 

The object of the game was to land the ear of corn completely inside the body outline!  Chip and Toby tied in the first round and had to go to a tie breaker.  Chip pulled it out by a slim margin.  

There were no prizes.  Just the thrill of being the champion. 

Which could have explained why the little whippersnappers kept wandering off to do other fun things on the farm, like dunk a basketball on the trampoline.

I rounded them back up for a Pass the Hula Hoop game.  They all held hands.  It was sweet.

The game itself was hysterical!  Lots of yelling and screaming and feet and arms twisted in a Hula Hoop.  Again, no idea who won or lost.

Next up, they had to throw raw cookie dough across the blacktop to their partner who had to catch it on the cookie sheet.

They were really good at this and no one go any in their hair or upside their face.  It was kind of disappointing.  I was expecting a big fat mess.   No dice.

Well, it I could mess them up with the cookie dough game, I would just have to try to do it with the Turkey race.  This was awesome.  Constructed a turkey head dress out of a dust mop, headband and a water filled balloon.  Hold two balloons under your arms and a feather duster between your legs and run!

It was complete and utter chaos.

My hope was that the water filled balloon would smack them in the face as they were waddling.  It didn't work on all of them, but when it was AWESOME!

The crowd seemed to appreciate the entertainment!

Peyton loved his costume and even planted a kiss on the balloon!  Cute kid!

After we exhausted the outdoor games it was time for dessert!  Plenty to choose from in the dessert area and everyone got their fill.

Then I drug out the Minute to Win It games.

The first one was a hard game where you have to pull a penny out of the bottom of a pair of pantyhose using only your hand.  Not working together, but each hand separately.  Even if you were able to grab the penny, it was hard to get your hand out!   I think two of the three here mastered it quickly!

Guke had some trouble getting the hose off his arms.  Shake, shake, shake.

Chip's arms were just not long enough.  He could not get that penny.  He wanted it too!

Then we picked up Penne Pasta with a spaghetti noodle in our mouths.  Most of them dominated this game.  Wayyyy too easy.  We also shot rubber bands at baseball cards.  It was much harder than it looked.  Mario was the only one able to knock down both cards with eight tries.  No prize though, sorry.  Just pride in your rubber band shooting abilities.  

Then we lined up the Magnificent Seven for their traditional stair picture.  Good looking group of kids.

Or maybe not.

Outside, Guke tried to get the fire going.  It was a whole lot of smoke and not a whole lot of fire.  It took a ton of suggestions and a gas blower on low to get this sucker blazing, but it finally worked. 

As evening dawned we headed back to George and Callie's for round two.  It was the second meal for everyone so it was more low key.  George's cornbread dressing was an awesome hit!  Seasoned perfectly!  We also got a chance to see some of the other cousin kiddos and I can't believe I didn't take any pictures.  Blame it on the food coma that I was obviously in at that point in the evening!   

Harry got to do some late night/early morning Black Friday shopping with Mal and Meg.  They were at Walmart by 10:00 p.m. and then fighting the crowds at Target at midnight.  It was quite the experience.  Harry couldn't believe how many people were out and about that late.  He can't wait to go again next year. 

The next day was Craft Day at Bob and Mer's house.  I drug a suitcase full of craft crap down there to entertain us with.

Found out that this little girl is a major perfectionist!  She doesn't roll with "It's good enough" like I do!  I think she had fun even though some of it was frustrating for her.  I know I had a ball.

We made about 18 Initial Ornaments for friends and teachers.  I was so happy with how they turned out.

Then we also made Christmas tree t-shirts out of ribbon.  It involved a lot of cutting and ironing, but the end result was great.

There is a smile from my craft assistant.

And here is a request from my brother...S...T....O...P.  He hates crafts.

We did stop long enough to watch LSU beat the tar out of Arkansas!  I was hoping for a better game.

Back out that evening to spend time at George and Callie's.  I must take a moment to tell you about the AMAZING barbecue sauce George whipped up for dinner.  It went with a big brisket that his friend had brought over.  That SAUCE was to die for!  So outstanding.  I could have eaten it with a spoon.  How did you make it George?  I have no idea.  A little of this, a little of that...

Saturday dawned a gorgeous day and Harry headed out to try his hand at fishing in the pond.

He caught about five fish right in the backyard and had a good time.

The geese were not happy about him intruding on their space.  Actually, I don't think geese are happy about much. 

Fishing was a good way to occupy himself before the big Alabama/Auburn game.  Calms the nerves.  And keeps you away from ESPN and all the hype.

Inside, Malarie and Meg made Bama cookies and cupcakes for Brett's birthday.  They turned out so cute.
They headed to a local restaurant to watch the game with friends and we headed back down to my folks house.

We wrapped up the craft projects and with about 15 minutes to go before kick off EVERY SINGLE TV in my parent's house went out.  Completely black.


Bob went outside to find a Utility truck working on the corner.  He quickly walked over to let them know they had messed up his cable.  They knew it and were working feverishly to get it fixed.  It only took them about five minutes to get it back on.

There was a lot of pacing going on inside the house and lots of people holding remotes and pushing buttons randomly and often to see if the TVs were back!

Cheers of joy when we got back the signal!

The kids kept themselves occupied with more football.

I think this might be more smear the queer than football.  People were bleeding and injured.  Not a game for the faint of heart.

As game time approached we all found a comfortable spot to watch the game. 

For the first field goal attempt we joined hands and said a little prayer.  We have had a pitiful year with the field goal kicking and Bama needed all the help we could give them. 

It worked...Bama won big.  We all sang Rammer Jammer at the top of our lungs and I am sure everyone in the neighborhood heard us!  Whew, so glad that game is over!

Here are some other very random tidbits from our weekend:

1)  My dad's neighbor and good friend, Ray, passed away on Friday.  He was 85.  He died on his birthday.  So sad. 

2)  Checking in on-line with Southwest the day before your flight is awesome.  Boarding Group A ROCKS!  Thanks for the reminder that we could do that Sandy! 

3)  Malarie made me the cutest Alabama wreath ever.  I had to leave it in Alabama until Christmas so I wouldn't crush it in my suitcase.

4)   I only gained one pound during this holiday weekend.  Major victory. 

5)  Mario makes some wicked good mashed potatoes. 

6)  An Impala is not a Charger. 

7)  Most popular saying of the weekend "You think I care??  Roll Damn Tide!!"

8)  Wrapping presents with others is way more fun that doing it alone.  

9)  Kitchens full of people are the best.

10)  Christmas can't get here soon enough! 

Hope you made it this far!  My apologies for the novel!  Have a wonderful day!