Thursday, January 26, 2012

Ping Pong Champ

Yes, that would be me!!!  Ping pong champion of the house!

Let me tell you how it went down.  First, I took on Chip.  Love him, but he will wear you out playing ping pong.  He likes to dance, spin, do yoga poses all while the game is going on.  He also likes to instruct his opponent in various dance, spin moves to try during the game.  He never knows what the score is or who should be serving.  He celebrates excessively for no apparent reason.  He is pretty good, even with all the silly antics.  I beat him 11-6.

Then it was time to take on Harry.  Harry taps into all of his crazy voices during a game of ping pong.  It is quite like watching a thriller on the SciFi channel where someone is possessed by multiple personalities or demons.  He commentates, he yells at himself, he talks sternly to his paddle, he randomly burst out in celebration, he finds time to engage his brother in a heated exchange about NOT dancing, spinning or doing yoga poses during the match.  He gets supremely frustrated being beaten by a girl...especially one that is his MOTHER!  It was a close game, but I think I beat him 11 - 9.

Then it was time for me to play Big Daddy.  Now Big Daddy is skilled in all things athletic.  He can run, jump, lift heavy things, bounce balls, throw them and also hit them with a paddle with much force.  Now, mind you, he CANNOT change the toilet paper roll because that takes enormous amounts of athletic dexterity and squeezing the spring inside a toilet paper holder is too hard for him.  I can do it easily.  Must be a genetic defect, like the hole in his heart.  He can lift 400 pound barbells, but that tee tiny weenie toilet paper holder, not so much.  So anyway, let me get off my soapbox on the toilet paper roll and tell you a little about his ping pong abilities.  He has apparently practiced excessively at some stage of his life.  I don't think it has been during the 28 years we have been together, but sometime prior to that he learned and perfected his ponging.  He has also traveled to China and other parts of Asia for business.  They know Ping Pong over there and he may have picked up a brochure or two about ponging techniques while visiting there.  He's pretty good and has yet to be beaten.

So, Tuesday night we had a quick match and he beat me 11 - 0 and I honestly only saw the ball one time. I think at some point I was actually just standing at the end of the table, frozen and he hit the ball and it hit my paddle.  I didn't move my paddle towards the ball.  He hit my paddle with the ball.  That was the only time my paddle touched the ball during the match.

Doesn't that sound like fun, to play someone like that?


Me either.

So last night, to make it a tad bit more even, I called for some measures to handicap him a bit and give me a fighting chance.

I served for all points, he had to play left handed, he had to hold a cup of coffee in his right hand while playing and he absolutely could not do any of that fancy curve ball hitting or smashes.

Guess what????

I won.  I beat him.  I beat him 11 - 8.  Schooled him.  Woo Hoo!  Party on the roof top, top of the world!! (Name that song)

Then I did it again.  Beat him TWICE!!!

Then he wanted to play one game normally, with no handicaps.  Again, I was frozen, not even sure I saw the ball.

But let's not talk about that last match.  Let's go back and hang out with the fact that I beat him TWO times last night.  I feel like the champion of the ping pong world!

You know that just sets you up for a pretty fantastic Thursday!   Hope your day is awesome!


  1. Very exciting stuff! Congratulations to being the Ping Pong champion of the house, even it if will be short lived! I hope not though!

  2. Cracked me up. That is like me playing against Matt. The only problem with Matt is he can play equally good with either hand!!! I could beat him if he played without a paddle!

  3. You made my day with both your post and your phone call! Congrats on your championship! I can't play with Chris either. Never thought about imposing such a handicap. May be something to look forward to.

    I should also highly recommend surgery to all your readers, as it brings about a delicious dinner (complete with dessert) all fancied up in a pretty box and delivered with laughs to your home. Totally worth it! What procedure could I have next?

  4. Andrea - Short lived my foot! I have been watching every YouTube video I can find with ping pong skills and am practicing for about 3 hours while the boys are at school!

    Dad - I didn't mention in my post that in a moment of jest, Hubby started playing without a paddle. He scored two points and I made him pick that dang paddle back up. Try to think of some other way to handicap Matt.

    Sandy - It was great to talk with you today and my pleasure to bring you dinner. No more procedures please. I miss our afternoon chats. Now GET BETTER, get out of that robe and get back on the sidewalk where you belong!!! I hope your follow up appointment tomorrow is all good reports.