Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Change

I am spending more and more time contemplating life, relationships and mostly what the future looks like when you send a child off to college.  I don't even know where Harry is going to end up going to school, it may be in our current city, but I think it probably won't be.  Regardless, change is coming.  It is not that I am dreading it, because I am not.  I am so excited for him.  So excited to see what he does and how his life unfolds.  His opportunities are endless and he is such a great kid that I know he has amazing future waiting on him.

What I think about is how different it will be not to be in his life so intimately.  I mean, if you have children you know, it is an intimate relationship.  You love them completely with every ounce of your being.  You are interested in what they are interested in...even if it is Legos or Robots or Football or Trains.  You want to know if they are hungry, thirsty, constipated, upset, happy, late, early, in bed, out of bed....every detail of their lives.  That is going to change.  I may not get into every detail of his business.  Our relationship will change, it will be different and I think maybe even be better than ever.  I think it has the potential to be awesome. 

It makes me think about my parents and how lucky I am to have such a great relationship with them.  To look forward to seeing them, talking with them, sharing my life with them.  I am starting to get why my mom starts most conversations with "You are not blogging enough."  I get it.  I want Harry to start a blog...and then Chip...so every single day I can read their blog and connect with them.  I want to know what is happening in their lives, how they are feeling, what is worrying them, what makes them happy, how in the hell they ran out of gas on vacation!  So, I totally get why my parents enjoy connecting with me and my family through this blog. 

I went through a similar contemplating stage when I had Harry and again when I had Chip.  I would just weep with emotion.  I loved my boys so completely and with more feelings than I knew a heart could hold.  What was even more moving to me was that I finally understood how much my parents loved me.  I knew that they had held me, just like I held my boys.  That their hearts had been filled to overflowing with joy that I was theirs and that they were mine.  I got it.  For the first time, I understood how much I was loved by them and it was powerful stuff.  It also set the stage for me to understand how much God loves me.  I think that when you have parents that love you, it makes it easy for you to accept love from God.  It makes it possible for you to grasp that kind of big love.  It is such a gift that my parents gave me.

So, Bob and Lana I want you to know that not a day goes by that I don't think about you, tell a funny story about you, want to tell you something, appreciate you and the family that you created.  I hope that Harry and Chip feel the same way when they are adults.   That would be the best! 

Love you to the moon and back.  Seriously.

5 comments:

  1. Now you get it it took you long enough. You are love to the moon and back. I just don't have the words but no kids were love more than my three. The pride I feel that you all are a part of me is so overwelling. I have a tear in my little eye.

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  2. OMG.... T...ears Central here.
    You are so fortunate to have such emotional freedom and the ability to express it.
    I was contemplating the other day as well. I thought... I can't believe Harry is going off to College. I remember when that little fart ruled every moment of your life. I remember that you could not leave his side for the first 4 years of his life. LOL! Boy does time fly!
    First the nice one's eldest, now your baby. I thought to myself...I don't know if I could let someone I love so much walk out that door into our big scary, risk filled world. Since I have only been a mother to pets, I can't begin to imagine your anxiety. I had anxiety over my dog when I would leave her in someone else's care. OMG....Parents, have it hard. I would have to take drugs to help me cope. You and yours are in my thoughts. Hoping for all good things in life for your babies or should I say mens.

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  3. Awww, thanks for the super sweet comment. Buy why did you have to go and say "Big Scary, Risk Filled World"....I was just sending Harry to college! Now I AM going to need medication! Just kidding! No really, I think I can control my panic attacks by putting my head between my knees, breathing into a brown paper sack, or drinking. Drinking is always an excellent option.

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  4. why do you keep removing chico's comments? He seems mucho sweet!

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