Saturday, September 7, 2013

Bob Chronicles - Fourteenth in a Series

For those of you who might be new around here (who am I kidding?), this is a series of blog posts about my Dad.  There are thirteen previous ones that are quite entertaining.  Might be worth the time it would take to search the archives to read.  But this one I have read several times and it still cracks me up! 

So Bob recently had to have a prostate biopsy because his annual PSA blood test was a little high. At the young age of 69 the doctor's recommend that a high PSA test get followed up with a biopsy.  Just to be sure everything is fine.  Well Bob entertained us all through this procedure and sent this highly informative summary of his day.  It was just too awesome not to share! 

Phase 1...Got up at 5 this morning to start the coffee pot and do a little worrying about the 5:30 enema.  I'm not sure Lana is fully up to date on the correct procedures for doing this which causes me a little anx. After all this is a very delicate area in which she will be working.  Well it's time to get her up and get the show underway.
It's 5:30 and time for the procedure to begin.  The enema box said it takes a few minutes to get all the stuff in....wait 10 minutes then let it out.   Hope your not eating right now.  I will put this on pause now and let you know how things worked out....later.
Well it's over and I'm glad.  I set up an enema station in the bedroom which is about 20 feet from the bathroom.  If it was 21 feet from the bathroom I would still be back there cleaning up.  Lana took her time and did a great job with the insertion tool.  She got all the liquid in with no problem.  The only problem was the waiting 10 minutes after the liquid was in before going.  I made it like 1:43 minutes before it all came out.  Kind of surprised me how fast that stuff works but it's done.  I'll probably have a few more visits to the porcelain queen before leaving for the big procedure.  Later......
Phase 2....Departing for the doctors office. Arrived early as I always do but they processed me in pretty quick.  Probably saw I was a little a nurse took me back to the get-ready room.  She gave me my Ativan (anxiety pill) and a Hydrocodone pain pill an hour before the doctor started the procedure.  Told me to take everything off below my waist and get up on the table.  Those were all new words for me.   Anyway the table had stirrups in which to keep my legs separated and raised so he could look at the area dead on.  There were trays of medicines, shots. grease, TV screen and other tools used for this procedure.  He first inserted his finger, I think, which had a camera attached.  It displayed a picture of the prostate gland on the screen.  Said it looked pretty good.  I thanked him.  He thought it best if he gave me two Novocain shots in the gland to help the pain as he took biopsy's from the gland.   It worked as I felt just a little pain as he took the snippets from the gland.  He actually took 12 samples so I'm not sure how much of the gland remains.  I'll guess I'll see when I try to pee. He explained that there might be some bleeding for a few days but that is to be expected.
Phase 3.  The recovery room.  The nurse called Lana in to help watch me as I was a little groggy.  Explained where all the cleaning material was located and when ever I could sit up real good, to put my britches back on.  She also said I could wear a pad in case there was still some bleeding.    Lana positioned the pad and I yanked my pants up real quick so it wouldn't slide out of position.  Then proceeded to check out where I got my next appointment to get the results of all the biopsies.  He said I could eat and drink all I wanted but couldn't have sex today.  Like that was going to happen with a Ativan and a pain pill in my system.  So Lana will just have to wait and be patient.  We took out of there and headed to Bojangles for a ham biscuit and a senior coffee.
Phase 4  The rest of the day will be rest and more rest.  This afternoon I have to get ready for my nerve conduction test tomorrow.  I'm sure it will be much simpler that today.
Thanks for your prayers it worked!

1 comment:

  1. Your dad is one of a kind. Praying all the tests come back good!