Monday, March 8, 2010

Bob Chronicles - Fifth in a Series

Well, today is the day! Bob is having a Colonoscopy this morning and took great care to document his prep day yesterday! If you have ever wondered what all the fuss is about or why people aren't excited about the prospect of getting a colonoscopy, then read on. Bob has lots of great wisdom to share on the subject and I think it is totally worth sharing! So, without further ado.....Here's Bob!

A little back ground first. My mother died of colon cancer at the age of 57 which of course means I have a good chance of getting this same disease. Since this is one of those cancers that can be cured if you catch it early enough, I elected to have a colon screening exam every 4 years. I started this regime at the age of 50, which my family doctor highly recommended. This means I have had several of these test in the past 16 years. With one exception, polyps were found and removed in each screening. Fortunately, it is not painful at all and removing the small polyps probably headed off a bout of cancer. With all this said, I am about to undergo the worst part of the screening process and that is the cleansing of the colon the day before the actual test.

Basically in an abbreviated form the cleansing means you eat NOTHING solid the entire day before testing. You can only have coffee, 7 Up and water to drink, bouillon, Jell-O (green or yellow only) and Popsicle's (yellow only) to eat. Not much you say...that's correct. Now that doesn't bother those that eat like a pigeon but for those of us who eat like a Lumberjack it is HARD. So I have elected to keep a diary of today's events for those who have wondered about the cleansing process and a reminder to those who have done this before. Here goes nothing:

1. I woke at 7 and had about 6 cups of coffee which really was great. My back was hurting so I took 2 Tylenol. I hope like heck it isn't hurting as bad tomorrow morning since you can not drink or eat anything after midnight tonight.

2. I read the morning paper thoroughly just to kill some time.

3. At 9 I jumped on the treadmill and walked for an hour, again just to kill some time.

4. Around 11 I got out the instructions on how to mix up the concoction you have to drink that starts the bowel cleansing. You mix it early so you can get it chilled before you start drinking it at 5:30. It amounts to 2 liters of liquid that goes straight to the intestines.

5. After putting my mixture in the fridge I messed around in the garage for awhile then gathered the recyclable and set them out on the curb.

6. It's now 12:45 and time for lunch. I think I'll have a delicious bowl of chicken broth. It couldn't be more salty. It taste like chicken flavored salt water. UGH! I guess if you could add some noodles or chicken it would be more tasteful. For dessert how about some yummy green jell-o. You call this bulk...it actually melts in your mouth before it goes down to your stomach. Lunch is now officially over....GOOD.

7. Time to do some chores to pass the time away. Before I do that I think I will go pay a visit to Ms Elaine and Ray my neighbors who live across the street. Well I had a nice visit and it is now about 2. Lets get to some chores

8. Yesterday I put up a new bathroom door which needed painted. That's what I'm fixing to do now. After dragging the paint out and finding a good paint brush I begin painting. I'm using some really good paint that Melissa recommended since it only requires one coat. Well I have finished painting and the awful clean up. I love painting but hate all the clean up of brushes, pans, sticks and etc. It is now 3:45 and an hour and 45 minutes until I start drinking the concoction. That's when the fun begins.

9. I just now looked at my procedures again and it says to start drinking at 5 instead of 5:30. It is now T-5 minutes

10. It's 5 and here we go....wish me luck.

11. Here's what I am doing. Drinking 8 oz of the concoction every 15 minutes for one hour. Then drinking 16 oz of water in the next hour. Then starting over again with the 8oz concoction every 15 minutes for an hour and so on it goes. I have just completed an hour of drinking and haven't gone yet.....what's up with this stuff.

12. As soon as I ended the last sentence an air bubble (cramp) came up in my stomach. I ran full throttle to the bathroom and barely made it. Wow! seemed like the whole bottom fell out. Came out like a super soaker water gun. Talk about cutting the jets lose.

13. It is now 9:10 in the evening and I believe things have settled down a bit. That's 4 hours of drinking and moving. I feel a little weak as there is nothing inside me to hold the outside from caving in. Honestly it wasn't too bad if you don't mind going to the bathroom no less that 20 times in just a few hours. I'm not about to go into anymore detail as you might be eating as your reading this. Just let it be said it's not a pretty sight.

14. Just think, you go through a whole day of starving and cleansing just to have an 8 foot tube run up your butt in the morning. The whole procedure takes about 15 minutes and you then go home.

Time to take a good hot shower and go to bed. Night all.

Thanks Dad for the detailed run down of your Prep Day! Can't wait to hear how well it goes today!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Vampires at Recess

Yesterday afternoon my sweet Chip walked out of school with a smile on his face and a pink piece of paper in his hand. I gave him a high five "It's Friday!!!" greeting and said "What is that pink piece of paper in your hand?" He looks at me and says "You are not going to like this."

Oh boy.

Turns out, Chip was sent to the principal's office for a little altercation that happened on the playground at recess.

Seems one of the boys in his class said he was a Vampire. Chip disagreed and told him vampires weren't real. The non-Vampire punched Chip in the neck. Chip punched the non-Vampire in the arm and back. Tears flowed. Teachers were told and those two boys were sent to the Principal's office for a firm talking to. Violence is not okay - there is always a better way to work out disagreements. The non-Vampire got a day of detention and 2 missed recesses for the intial hitting. Chip got 1 missed recess for retaliating. You do the crime, you pay the time.

Monday, I am sending Chip to school with garlic cloves around his neck.

Friday, March 5, 2010

A Day in the Life....of Me

Over at Kelly's Korner today she is hosting Show Us Your Life - What is Your Typical Day Like? Here is mine:

5:00 a.m. - Alarm goes off. Moan, groan...stagger down the stairs. Curse myself for not setting the coffee pot to start automatically. There is nothing better than the smell of coffee brewing to make the first steps of a moaning, groaning morning just a little brighter.

5:30 a.m. - Head out with my dog Astro for a little exercise. Meet my two sweet early morning walker friends and their dogs. Cold, dark, hard...but never boring.

6:30 a.m. - Walk done, feel terrific. Check emails, quick read of the paper...time to wake the troops.

6:45 a.m. - Wake up the boys. Harold to the shower. Chip to the couch for 15 minutes to go over all the aches, pains, sore legs, sore eyes, leg hurts, back of head hurts, neck sore, stomach ache...all the reasons he can't possibly go to school each day. Tell him he can stay home, but no friends over after school, absolutely no video games, still has to read, and mom will work with him on Flashcards while he is home. 3 minutes of indecision and then he is on board with going to school. CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS PHASE TO PASS!! It will pass, right?

7:00 a.m. - Make breakfast, pack lunches, check calendar, find lost shoes, coats, socks. Pull out something to cook for dinner tonight (not typical, in fact, downright miracle if I remember to plan this far ahead!)

7:30 a.m. - Chip is out the door - all smiles.

8:00 a.m. - Hubby and Harold leave for work and school. Harold is not necessarily smiling, but he is a teen and I am happy that he is upright, clean, fed, binder under his arm, facing another day of 8th Grade Algebra in first period. What an awful way to start the day! He's a trooper. Hubby always smiling.

8:01 a.m. - Deep breath.

8:00 a.m. - 11:00 a.m. - Check in with work - assess what needs to be done today. I work about 1/2 time from home. I am thrilled that I have been able to start my work day in slippers for the last ten years. It is a great gig. Work, check email, look at week ahead to see what's coming up. Teleconferences, training, phone calls, respond to questions, crank out contracts.

11:00 ish - Shower, dress, breakfast dishes, errands.

12:00 - 2:30 - Work

2:31 - Head up to school to pick up Chip! Seriously, how did the morning pass that fast. Love that big smile I get after school.

3:00 - Can friends come over? Sure. Finish up any remaining work. Laundry. Now, realize I didn't take anything out for dinner and start staring into the pantry and freezer wondering what I can pull together now!

3:50 p.m. - Harold is home. Can friends come over? Sure! Still sneaking back to my office to wrap up loose ends for the day! Check email. Blog. Maybe play a game or twenty of Bejeweled Blitz or PathWords! Those games are like Crack!

5:30 p.m. - Throw together something quick for dinner (See previous post for SPAM fried rice!) Friends go home. Time for homework!

6:00 p.m. - Hubby home - quick dinner.

Evenings are filled with a variety of things:

Tuesday/Thursday Baseball practice
Wednesday night - Harold Bible Study - ZUMBA for me!
Harold Flag Football practice
Meetings at school for awesome things like the 8th grade dance meeting that was last night!

8:00 p.m. - Family time! Pile up on the couch for some quality television like American Idol or Biggest Loser! LOVE THE DVR!

8:50 p.m. - Quick bath for Chip (Actually, nothing quick about this. See previous post for Bath Time!)

9:00 ish - Chip to bed.

10:30 p.m.- The rest of us call it a night. Lights out. Lay down. Deep breath. Cuss because again I forgot to set the Coffee Maker to come on automatically! Give thanks for another wonderful day!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Unplugged

How has it come to be that losing internet service is so disabling! I feel like a duck out of water without the internet! I am completely dependent on the internet to do my work and manage my personal life. Not having access is awful! I called Time Warner and the little recorded voice says “We are currently showing an outage in your area. Our technicians are working the issue and will have service back as quickly as possible. Our operators have no further information at this time.” In other words – We know about it. We are working it. Hang up the phone.

Of course, as soon as I lost internet connection my boss calls with an urgent work exercise that has to be done ASAP. ARRRGGGHHH! I sit and wait. Watching the modem deal thingy for my cable light to go solid meaning my connecting is back. Instead it just flashes at me slowly. Taunting me……not connected……not connected……not connected……not connected.

Is it like the old saying “A watched pot never boils” – “A watched cable light never goes solid.” I try unplugging the power and rebooting it several times. Still flashing.

I go distract myself with some laundry. Put away a few dishes. Check back on the light. Still flashing.

Give Time Warner another call. "We show an outage in your area...." Hang up, don't need to hear that again.

Staring at the light...oh, oh, oh, it is back on! Solid light! I’m plugged back in!!! Rock On!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Chip's Mens

Chip's absolute favorite toy for the last several years has been miniature action figures that he calls his "Mens". He has always called them his Mens and even though it doesn't even make sense, we still call them that.

What do you want for Christmas Chip? More Mens
Chip, are you going to take anything in the car to play with? Yes, my Mens.
Ouch, what did I just step on? CHIP, PICK UP THESE MENS!!!!


If you look closely at this rocket, you will see it is covered in Mens.


Chip likes to line them all up on the floor.


Put them on sweet Astro's head.


He has Indiana Jones.


Jango Fett or Bubba Fett - I can't ever tell them apart.


An army of Star Wars Clones.


Iron Man. And a whole host of others.


When we went to Boston last summer, he packed his own backpack with his toys. This is what he unpacked and displayed on the window sill of the hotel when we got there! How in the world did he carry all these Mens? He probably didn't - I probably did! Between purses and backpacks it is a wonder my shoulders aren't more sloped than they are!


We find these guys everywhere! On the TV, under the couch cushions, in the bathtub, in my purse, the car, the garage. I would hate to know how many he has. What I will hate worse is when he outgrows them. Already he is playing with them less and less, but every now and again he will drag them all out and line them all up, have them battle each other, separate them good guys from bad guys. Toys are such a fleeting childhood treasure. I hate to see them go. Maybe, I will keep his Mens in the attic with Harold's old Thomas the Train set. Some toys are just hard to part with, especially for Mom.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Ten Totally Random Tidbits

Ten totally random thoughts rattling around in my brain:

1) Chip has a cough and is doing every and anything to stay home in the mornings. Yesterday, it was up for debate until approximately 4 minutes until drop dead time to walk out the door and make it to school in time. Entire family, including Chip himself, Harold and daddy flew into action to pull Chip's stuff together and get him out the door. It was like a Chinese Fire Drill. As Chip was walking out the door he said "That was fun." It kinda was and I wish we could have video taped the four of us all screaming and running around barking orders and over exaggerating every accomplishment.

2) Yesterday, Harold was voted "Most Likely to be an Actor in 8th grade". Picture taken for the yearbook. He thought it was awesome.

3) Completely random statement made by Chip this weekend "Every time I go to Alabama for Christmas I want to watch the Jamaican Bobsled movie."

4) Rosie Cat turns 10 on Friday. Still pretty spry, but surely on the downward slide.

5) I was summoned for Grand Jury Panel duty. I already sent in my request to be excused. Keep your fingers crossed that it is accepted. I am not old or mature enough to sit on a Grand Jury Panel.

6) Sunday, Harold saw the preview for the next "Brothers & Sisters" where they say that Luke was apparently a porn star in his native country. Quality television I know - but the funny part was Harold looks at me and says "What's a corn star?" I said "Someone who grows really good corn."

7) I love coffee - really, really love it.

8) The next time I have my family all together I want a new family picture. Everyone together and wearing black. Slimming and cool.

9) Garage Sale is this weekend. I still have only one contribution to my walk this year. Fundraising not going well.

10) I had a roll from Bush's Chicken yesterday. Bread is the devil and I cannot get away from it.

I feel better, thanks for letting me purge.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Milestone Birthdays

I cannot believe that I just turned the calendar to March!! Wow, this year seems to be flying by faster than ever! March is going to be a busy month, but I am really looking forward to getting closer to summer!

We had a great weekend as you know from some of the sports news I shared with you on Saturday. However, I didn't get to mention the fun I had this weekend helping a good friend celebrate her 50th birthday. A big shout out to Connie who is one of the most gorgeous and lovely women I have the honor of calling a friend.

On Friday night, a group of girls went out for a celebratory birthday dinner at Gumbo's. We had a spectacular meal and a great time visiting with each other. Although Gumbo's is known for their seafood I had heard many many times that they had the best steak around. I went out on a limb and ordered a steak and spent the next half hour moaning and groaning with every bite. I could kick myself for not having my camera with me to take a picture of the beautiful plate! It was a tenderloin blackened with Cajun herbs & spices, topped with sauteed crabmeat with scallions and Bearnaise sauce, and served over red wine pepper sauce. OUT OF THIS WORLD! I want to go back today, tomorrow and every single day in March to eat that steak! Their Mexican Martini's weren't bad either!

In addition to taking Connie out for a nice meal, we also decided we needed to trash her yard because that is what grown women do to celebrate milestone birthdays. At least that seems to be what my friends like to do! I think it takes us back to the teen years when we TP'ed houses or something. These days we are not quite so adventurous and actually coordinate ahead with husbands so we don't have to sneak around or scramble like mad if a porch light comes on. So much easier if you can coordinate with the hubby to get the birthday girl out of the house for a while. You don't have to stay up late if you do it that way either!

The tradition all started with my 40th birthday when a few of my best friends found this hideous old portrait in the trash. She has since been named Betty Jo. Well Betty Jo has become the centerpiece for decorating milestone birthdays. She travels around to spread joy to those that might be a little disheartened with entering a new decade.



Isn't this nice? Betty Jo's mustache is particularly attractive. And seriously, a gallon of gas was only .23 cents when I was born? Dang!


Next up, was Beth's big 4-0! Betty Jo came out of hiding and apparently was cleaned up and shaved for her appearance in Beth's yard.




She looks pretty harmless, right. Well, in addition to Betty Jo, we might have put some signs out in the neighborhood that directed people to her house.

She loved it of course! And neighbors and friends driving by were just a bonus!


Who wouldn't want their age plastered all over the place so the world can help them celebrate? It's a good thing, so we continued the tradition when Peggy turned 40!

Betty Jo looking as dapper as ever!




Front door, yard and car decorated with just a few little things!

So it was obvious when Connie hit the big 50 mark that we would have to include Betty Jo in the celebration! She looked great out in the middle of Connie's yard with a spotlight shining on her.

The balloons, streamers and other decorations were just bonus!

I can't wait to see where Betty Jo shows up next!

It is good to have friends, isn't it? I love mine!